Corentin Derbré


The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck – Mark Manson

ISBN: 0062457713
Date read: 2016-12-06
How strongly I recommend it: 8/10
(See my list of books, for more.)

Go to the Amazon page for details and reviews.

Great book about remembering that pain and suffering is needed for growth. You don't have unlimited attention, so give it carefully and don't give a fuck about the rest.

my notes

Dedicated to nobody.

There’s a saying in Texas: “The smallest dog barks the loudest.” A confident man doesn’t feel a need to prove that he’s confident. A rich woman doesn’t feel a need to convince anybody that she’s rich.

If you’re able to not give a fuck about the pain, you become unstoppable.

While not giving a fuck may seem simple on the surface, it’s a whole new bag of burritos under the hood. I don’t even know what that sentence means, but I don’t give a fuck.

When we say, “Damn, watch out, Mark Manson just don’t give a fuck,” we don’t mean that Mark Manson doesn’t care about anything; on the contrary, we mean that Mark Manson doesn’t care about adversity in the face of his goals, he doesn’t care about pissing some people off to do what he feels is right or important or noble.

I once heard an artist say that when a person has no problems, the mind automatically finds a way to invent some. I think what most people—especially educated, pampered middle-class white people—consider “life problems” are really just side effects of not having anything more important to worry about.

Because once you become comfortable with all the shit that life throws at you (and it will throw a lot of shit, trust me), you become invincible in a sort of low-level spiritual way.

I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love with not the fight but only the victory.

And if you think at any point you’re allowed to stop climbing, I’m afraid you’re missing the point. Because the joy is in the climb itself.

Pleasure, material success, always being right, staying positive—are poor ideals for a person’s life. Some of the greatest moments of one’s life are not pleasant, not successful, not known, and not positive.

When viewed from this perspective, personal growth can actually be quite scientific. Our values are our hypotheses: this behavior is good and important; that other behavior is not. Our actions are the experiments; the resulting emotions and thought patterns are our data.

Don’t trust your conception of positive/negative experiences. All that we know for certain is what hurts in the moment and what doesn’t. And that’s not worth much.

They will laugh at how we let our money and our jobs define our lives. They will laugh at how we were afraid to show appreciation for those who matter to us most, yet heaped praise on public figures who didn’t deserve anything.

Our brains are meaning machines. What we understand as “meaning” is generated by the associations our brain makes between two or more experiences.

I used to think the human brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

Uncertainty removes our judgments of others;

The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.

Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change.

There is little that is unique or special about your problems.

“It took me over sixty years to draw this.” (Picasso drawing on a napkin)

We can be truly successful only at something we’re willing to fail at.

Better values, as we saw, are process-oriented.

We need some sort of existential crisis to take an objective look at how we’ve been deriving meaning in our life, and then consider changing course.

Pain is part of the process

Learn to sustain the pain you’ve chosen. Then act despite it.

Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow.

Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.

Action is always within reach.

Unhealthy love is based on two people trying to escape their problems through their emotions for each other—in other words, they’re using each other as an escape. Healthy love is based on two people acknowledging and addressing their own problems with each other’s support.

People can’t solve your problems for you. And they shouldn’t try, because that won’t make you happy. You can’t solve other people’s problems for them either, because that likewise won’t make them happy.

You both should support each other. But only because you choose to support and be supported.

Consumer culture is very good at making us want more, more, more.

I’ve chosen to reject all but the very best people and experiences and values in my life.

Commitment gives you freedom because you’re no longer distracted by the unimportant and frivolous.

making fun of people who attempt to sound deep

If there really is no reason to do anything, then there is also no reason to not do anything;

A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

There is nothing to be afraid of. Ever.

© 2018 Corentin Derbré.